*Sigh* Here we go again….

Crystal Dynamics debuted a trailer for their long-awaited Avengers game during the Square Enix E3 2019 press conference, and almost immediately the “muh objective opinion as a consumer” trolls took to Internet comment sections, message boards and social media to voice their “muh objective opinions” on how ugly the characters looked in the trailer.

The Shrekvengers? Black Widower? The Avengers of the Uncanny Valley-Verse? The Assvengers? Yep, the basement-dwelling racist misogyphobes are slinging their wettest, sloppiest shit at Crystal Dynamics.

News flash, incels: ugly fictional people characters are real fictional people characters, too!!!!!!

All of this shitty online behavior just proves that “Uggophobia” is still an overwhelmingly rampant problem in the straight, white, cishet, capitalist, omnivorous, male world of gaming.

Just look at history… Before Crystal Dynamics’ Avengers, there have been zero video games starring ugly superheroes. Sure, you might be thinking about Toxic Crusaders (NES, Genesis), Hellboy: the Science of Evil (Xbox 360, PS3) Swamp Thing (NES), Todd McFarlane’s Spawn (SNES), Spawn: In the Demon’s Hand (Dreamcast), Spawn: Armageddon (PS2), The Incredible Hulk (Genesis), Hulk: Ultimate Destruction (Xbox, PS2), Ghost Rider (PS2), Deadpool (PS4, PS3, Xbox 360), Superman 64… but other than all of those, there have been literally zero. Literally. That literally means that ugly people have been completely, literally, 100% unable to play any superhero video games because they weren’t perfectly represented in all of their hideous, retina-scorching ugliness…. until now.

Bravo, Crystal Dynamics.

Bra. *clap!* Vo. *clap!*

Take that ya’ uggophobic uggophobes!!!!!!

The Avengers is published by Square Enix and will be available 15 May, 2020 on PC, Google Stadia, PS4, and Xbox One.

Update: According to a statement by Crystal Dynamics lead creative director Shaun Escayg: “The trailer is showing pre-alpha gameplay footage, which means the level of detail and overall polish of the character models will absolutely continue to improve as we get closer to launch.”

Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!