Category Archives: Humor

Who should play Samus in a Metroid film?

For some reason, the topic of a Metroid film keeps resurfacing, and with it, speculation as to which actress is best suited to portray intergalactic bounty hunter Samus Aran from Nintendo’s Metroid series. Perhaps such nonsense is expected when fans are asked to wait so long between game releases- they begin to ask for ever-more ridiculous things to satisfy their

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Greatest Levels in Gaming: “Kirby’s Adventure” (NES – Monochrome May Special)

Welcome back to The Splintering’s Monochrome May event! Today we’re introducing what may become a new feature: Greatest Levels in Gaming, starting with one of the Nintendo Entertainment System’s last, but most cherished games. Before we kick this off, if you have any concerns about spoiling a 30-year old game, then you might want to avoid this retrospective. Then again,

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Star Wars’ Rey Isn’t a Wahman, She’s a Genetic Aberration (aka a Mistake)

The most recent retcon by Lucasfilm (LFL) elaborates on The Rise of Skywalker‘s Palpatine being an ill-formed clone. So, to follow their reasoning, our hero physically interdicts against her father who’s also her grandfather who’s developmentally disabled? Maybe he was drinking, too… At the minimum, he’s got to be in danger of the opioid crisis. Genetic deformity’s got to hurt,

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“Borderlands 2” update pushes ads for Borderlands 3, breaks the game; Gearbox CEO responds (humor)

On 27 February, the Steam PC editions of Borderlands 2 and Borderlands: the Pre-Sequel received a software update which introduced a “SHiFT” profile name, which would replace the user’s Steam name in-game for the purposes of cross-play. The SHiFT name must be unique, and all players must create a new SHiFT profile to continue playing both Borderlands titles, whether they

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Unboxing Richard C. Meyer’s “Jawbreakers: GØD-K1NG” graphic novel

I recently received my copy of Jawbreakers: GØD-K1NG, the action/superhero graphic novel written by Richard C. Meyer (Iron Sights), co-written by Chuck Dixon (Batman) and illustrated by Aaron Alfeche. I backed the tier with an unsigned copy of the Jawbreakers book and featuring variant cover art by Kyle Ritter (Starblades). I thought I’d unbox it to give you a sense

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Cosplay feature: Capcom’s “Darkstalkers” (Festival of Dread special)

There’s few game series that scream Halloween as much as Capcom’s Darkstalkers series. Featuring characters inspired by horror mainstays such as Dracula, the Mummy, and zombies, Darkstalkers has a fun take on whatever your Halloween fancy may call for. As with many other Capcom arcade fighters, the roster of Darkstalkers and its sequels (Night Warriors and Vampire Savior) features expressive

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Chomp Bites One Off: Mr. Bones (Festival of Dread special, NSFW humor)

Welcome back to our special Halloween event here at The Splintering, the Festival of Dread! Every now and again, we at The Splintering are going to lean on our mascot, Chomp the Termite, to go out into the world of myth and fiction to get the stories that we non-fictional types just can’t get. This edition of Chomp Bites One

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A message from Randy Pitchford: Gearbox sued over “Duke Nukem” soundtrack (humor)

Both Gearbox Software and Steam have been haled to court by video game composer Bobby Prince, the man responsible for the music of Doom, Wolfenstein 3D and Duke Nukem 3D. Prince alleges that 16 of his songs were used in 2016’s Duke Nukem 3D: 20th Anniversary World Tour without his permission, and without him receiving compensation. Prince provided music for

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Raiden laments a forgotten ”Mortal Kombat” anniversary

Greetings, mortals! It is I, Raiden, god of thunder and protector of Earthrealm. As many of you are prone to forgetting, mere mortals as you are, I wanted to remind everyone that the 26th anniversary of Mortal Monday is today. Yes, September 13th is the anniversary of the release of the original Mortal Kombat game for home consoles. But did

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Who is your Shenmue Waifu? (SEGA Dreamcast 20th Anniversary Week special)

Welcome back to SEGA Dreamcast 20th Anniversary Week here at The Splintering! Since Yu Suzuki’s Shenmue is one of the most iconic games on the Dreamcast platform, we had to include it with our Dreamcast-themed celebration. Since the first two Shenmue games are awash in lovely ladies, it occurred to us that there may be one to match up with

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Chomp Bites One Off: the SEGA Dreamcast (SEGA Dreamcast Anniversary Week Special)

Welcome back to SEGA Dreamcast 20th Anniversary Week here at The Splintering! If you missed last month’s interview celebrating 30 years of the SEGA Genesis, you can brush up on that intense exchange right here. Every now and again, we at The Splintering are going to lean on our mascot, Chomp the Termite, to go out into the world of

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We asked gay icon Jack McFarland: What exactly is “Ogay”?

Last week, Ion Fury developer Voidpoint apologized after individuals from Reset Era criticized content in the game that they found offensive, including an image of a personal skincare bottle jokingly labeled “Ogay” (an “Olay” pun, in case you needed it spelled out). After the complaints surfaced, Voidpoint announced that they would donate $10,000 to The Trevor Project (an LGBT anti-suicide

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Chomp Bites One Off: Zeus (SEGA Genesis 30th Anniversary Week special)

Welcome back to SEGA Genesis 30th Anniversary Week here at The Splintering! We certainly hope that you’ve been enjoying some of our retro gaming content celebrating the launch of our 16-bit friend! Every now and again, we at The Splintering are going to lean on our mascot, Chomp the Termite, to go out into the world of myth and fiction

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Chomp Bites One Off: the Model One SEGA Genesis (SEGA Genesis 30th Anniversary Week special – NSFW)

Welcome back to SEGA Genesis 30th Anniversary Week here at The Splintering! We certainly hope that you’ve been enjoying some of our retro gaming content celebrating the launch of our 16-bit friend! Every now and again, we at The Splintering are going to lean on our mascot, Chomp the Termite, to go out into the world of myth and fiction

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Crystal Dynamics’ “Avengers” character designs are a stunning and brave stand against “Uggophobia” (humor)

*Sigh* Here we go again…. Crystal Dynamics debuted a trailer for their long-awaited Avengers game during the Square Enix E3 2019 press conference, and almost immediately the “muh objective opinion as a consumer” trolls took to Internet comment sections, message boards and social media to voice their “muh objective opinions” on how ugly the characters looked in the trailer. The

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Marvel cancels “Squirrel Girl”, the first Marvel comic series starring hero with Down syndrome (humor)

Sigh. Here we go again… Just when it looked like Marvel actually cared about inclusion, off they go and cancel their only series starring a superhero with Down syndrome, The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl, which will end with issue #50. Marvel’s excuse? They didn’t really give one. Some are trying to tie the book’s cancellation to abysmally low sales, but shouldn’t

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Chomp Bites One Off: “Virtua Fighter’s” Jacky Bryant (SEGA Week Special – NSFW)

If you live in the United States, your SEGA Saturn console is very possibly now 24 years old. (You still have it, don’t you?) The announcement of the Saturn’s surprise US release was in May 1995, and what followed was a very rocky and admittedly short lifespan for the console. However, several great games graced the Saturn during its short

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Furry-phobic trolls are already attacking the new “Sonic the Hedgehog” movie trailer (humor)

Here we go again. It’s barely been a day since Paramount released the Sonic the Hedgehog movie trailer, and there is already a brigade of Furry-phobic, literal Nazis “thumbing down” the trailer on video hosting sites, and slandering the movie with hate speech like “Sonic’s design is ugly,” “Didn’t laugh once,” and “I don’t want to see it.” Careful, boys.

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Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue features Mortal Kombat 11’s Skarlet (humor)

Fifteen years after Mortal Kombat‘s Mileena appeared in the pages of Playboy, NetherRealm Studios is once again using saucy newsstand magazines to promote the latest entry in their fighting franchise. This time, the hijab-sporting Skarlet is on deck to appear in the 2019 Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, and she’s chosen the Taliban-approved “burkini” as her swimwear of religious dictate choice.

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Theories on why -THAT- character is missing from the “Star Wars IX” teaser

For the tens and tens of Star Wars fans hoping that Episode IX would also mean the rise of Tico, those hopes took a hit last week when Lucasfilm released the first Rise of Skywalker teaser/trailer. So what happened to the galaxy’s most famous, moralizing potato sack? We’ve got some theories, so let’s explore and let us know what you

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Mother sues EGM over son’s death 27 years after Sheng Long April Fools joke

In 1992, 13-year old Richard Hunt was awake in his room, well past his bedtime, playing away furiously at Street Fighter II on his Super Nintendo. Richard’s mother, Debra Hunt, recalls walking into his room at nearly midnight. “I was really angry with him,” she says “It was a school night. I remember I threatened to take the TV out

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“Jawbreakers Vs. Cyberfrog” announced!… as a coloring book by artist Nerd Wonder

There’s been a lot of big talk between Cyberfrog creator Ethan Van Sciver and Jawbreakers creator Ya Boi Zack surrounding who would win in a fight between their respective creations. It looks like we’ll all get to find out for ourselves in early 2020 when Jawbreakers Vs Cyberfrog arrives in our mailboxes as… a 50-page coloring book by artist Nerd

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Ugandan Knuckles discovered in “Team Sonic Racing” as “Meme Knuckles”

SEGA has been showing off its upcoming kart racer Team Sonic Racing at quite a few conventions and events over the last month. It appears that one lucky player at Italy’s VJC convention has already unearthed one of the game’s secrets: Ugandan Knuckles is a playable racer in the game. After selecting Sonic as a racer, the build of Team

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HD remake of “Custer’s Revenge” featuring fully digitized actors coming in 2019

Did you ever hide video games in your sock drawer as a teenager? Maybe under your mattress? There’s very few games that required that level of concealment, but one of the first was certainly Custer’s Revenge on the Atari 2600. First released in 1982, Custer’s Revenge is an adult-themed game in which the player controls a nude General George Armstrong

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Brie Larson to play Mara Jade in “Star Wars Episode IX”

She’s been dropping hints for weeks, but now Lucasfilm has confirmed that Brie Larson will be joining the cast of Star Wars: Episode IX… as fan-favorite Mara Jade! Larson reacted to the announcement on social media. “I’m double-plus happy to be joining the Star Wars universe as the most iconic character in James (sic) Lucas’ canon!” Larson became a divisive

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