Who is your Shenmue Waifu? (SEGA Dreamcast 20th Anniversary Week special)
Welcome back to SEGA Dreamcast 20th Anniversary Week here at The Splintering!
Since Yu Suzuki’s Shenmue is one of the most iconic games on the Dreamcast platform, we had to include it with our Dreamcast-themed celebration. Since the first two Shenmue games are awash in lovely ladies, it occurred to us that there may be one to match up with every personality type.
So we ask you, Who is your Shenmue waifu?
Daddy’s Girl Waifu – Nazomi Harasaki
If Ryo’s dad had one dying wish for his son, it probably would NOT be that he dedicate his life to revenge. He would probably have said something more like “Son, I want to stay with Nozomi, and bang, son. Bang her like there’s no tomorrow. Bang like you’re repopulating a dying earth. For me son. Bang her… and think of me.”
Sure, that last part might creep you out, but it ain’t bad advice.
Bad Girl Waifu – Joy
In the game of “MFK”, Joy would definitely be an “F” – in the very least – but is she “M” material? Joy is certainly a shapely minx who is more than comfortable straddling her sexy ride, but despite the hard rock exterior, she also shows a caring side by making sure that Ryo is taken care of upon his arrival in Hong Kong.
There’s no way the carpet matches those curtains, though.
Soul Mate Waifu – Shenhua Ling
Sure, the laws regarding age of consent may be more lenient in Japan and China than they are here in the West, but at 16 years old, you’re really pushing it with Shenhua, you weirdo. But if you want a deep connection that feels foretold by destiny, Shenhua may very well be your gal.
Just take it slow and
S & M Waifu – Xiuying Hong
Xiuying is always ready to deal some punishment. Sure, she’s smokin’ hot, but Xiuying obviously has a vindictive side. If she goes down on you, she’s the kind of hardened bitch who will bite your dick clean off, then make you sleep on the couch when she’s done. But that’s how you like it.
Make it hurt, Xiuying. We’ve been bad, bad boys.
Sugar Momma Waifu – Ine Hayata (Ine-San)
Age gap be damned! Ine-San knows how to take care of a guy, am I right? Yeah, she worries a lot, but she still let’s you run around and do whatever you want all day long, all the while staying home, keeping your place clean, your stomach fed, and your wallet full to the tune of ¥500 a day.
“Oh, Ine-San. You’ve gotta stop spoiling me.”
BuFu Waifu – Ren
Sure, “husbando” may be the proper term for a dude, but that doesn’t rhyme with “BuFu,” and the joke always comes first.
You know who else comes first? Probably Ren of Heavens. Ren ain’t no bottom bitch, son. Look at that jaw – that piercing stare. Ren doesn’t give a fuck. He may not be much of a cuddler, but he’s ready to go ballz deep in your backside, and you love him for it.
If he’s gay, that is… which he’s not.
Jailbait Waifu – Fangmei Xun
You’re fucking sick! Fangmei is only 14, you pedo bastard! Yeah, she can cook and is extremely eager to please, but unless you work in Hollywood or you’re planning on founding a new religion based out of the Saudi desert, get some professional help!
Fucking gross, dude.
Thanks for reading! You can check out more of our SEGA Dreamcast 20th Anniversary Week content here!