6 classic “bitch” moments that a proposed bill in Massachusetts would make illegal
Massachusetts state representative Daniel J. Hunt (D – Boston) recently introduced legislation that would ban the word “bitch” from being spoken in the
state Commonwealth. Under the so-called Act regarding the use of offensive words, those caught using the word “bitch” will face a $150 maximum fine for the first offense, while repeat offenses could bring a $200 fine or up to six months‘ imprisonment, or both. And as it turns out, if you call someone a “bitch” on Twitter, (perhaps like I called the aforementioned Mr. Hunt himself), you’ll find your account suspended for “hateful conduct.” It sounds like Silicon Valley is waaay ahead of you, Massachusetts!
Of course, the law has only been proposed and it may not actually pass, and even if it does, it’s hard to imagine that it will survive a constitutional challenge thanks to the freedom of speech provided by the 1st Amendment.
But in an alternate reality where it did pass, the people of Massachusetts would miss out on what I’ve always considered the funniest word in the English language. Here’s just a few classic “bitch” moments from pop culture that would be banned out of existence if a certain Daniel J. Hunt had his way.
The original Ghostbusters is the granddaddy of quotable comedic lines, and Bill Murray delivering this bitchy bombshell during the final showdown against Gozer the Gozerian is one of the best.
2. Billy Madison
Adam Sandler’s popularity has seen plenty of ups and downs, but he was definitely riding a high wave when Billy Madison was released. The most memorable line? The one delivered atop a knocked-out The Price Is Right host, Bob Barker.
3. Chappelle’s Show – Rick James
Dave Chappelle may may not love this old skit of his these days, but there’s a reason why it became so annoyingly popular: it was hysterical. The fact that the real-life Rick James was part of it made it even more incredible.
That’s a hard, hard bitch, there Ripley. Nothing adds more punch to an angry line like a hearty “bitch” punctuating the end. As evidenced by her role in Aliens, Sigourney Weaver is the undisputed champion of just such a delivery as she steps up to battle the Queen Alien, the Queen of the Bitches!
5. Salem Bitch Trials
“She’s a bitch! Burn her!” Shannon Doherty guest-starred on Saturday Night Live back in the early 90s, and hoo boy was this skit funny. Featuring Phil Hartman (RIP), Adam Sandler, Mike Myers, Rob Schneider, Julia Sweeney, David Spade and Chris Farley (RIP), the Salem Bitch Trial was SNL at its best… It’s also very hard to find information on it, even in the Internet age. Perhaps it hits a bit too close to home for those Massachusetts folks, eh?
6. South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut
You really can’t beat the South Park movie for the best use of the word “bitch.” Eric Cartman has proven himself time and again to the perfect vehicle for offensive humor. If you’ve never seen it, press play now. If you have, then sing along, bitch!
What did we miss? Let us know in the comments! And if you’re someone who supports laws banning words, not only are you an authoritarian ass hole, but you’re also a dirty, mangy, butt-sniffing bitch. I stand by that.