We Happy Few unbanned in Australia; publisher responds (humor)
Note: while this post contains some factual information, it is largely for entertainment purposes.
Oi, cunts! It’s me. Your ol’ pal Randy Pitchford.* The Randino.
Y’know what, Australia? I was pretty angry a few weeks ago when I found out that We Happy Few, a game that my company, Gearbox, has taken under our wing and shepherded as publisher, was banned for sale in your country… by a bunch of high-and-mighty, self-righteous, busy-bodied, pieces of sh-!!!
*Ahem!* Pardon the outburst, blokes. (You Aussies say ‘blokes’, right?) It’s true. I said some things, you (probably) said some things, but it’s all good now, because after appealing this decision with your Classification Review Board, a three-member panel has lifted the ban and instead granted granted We Happy Few a classification of R18+ (Restricted) with the consumer advice ‘Fantasy violence and interactive drug use’.
That’s great, right? Oi, I tell ya’, bribing those cunts at the Classification Review Board wasn’t a cheap venture. We dipped deep into the Gearbox coffers to grease some palms there. Shit, I even had to tap into some of that Aliens: Colonial Marines cash that we swindled out of SEGA. We were saving that to fund our next Borderlands game, so you Aussie bastards had better be grateful and buy the shit out of We Happy Few.
No. No. I need to stop, because it’s me. I’m the one who’s grateful today. You wanna know how grateful? Well, I was going to suck the cocks of all three blokes on that Classification Review Board, but instead, I’m so damn grateful that I solemnly swear to suck off every guy in Australia! Yep! I’m gonna milk your dicks dry the very next time I’m in your country…
Which will be fucking never! Ha! Did you dumb cunts really think I’d have any physical interactions, sexual or otherwise, with the fetid descendants of a prison colony? You stupid, stupid cunts!
Now if you’ll excuse me, my Saudi prostitute, Fatima is in the next room, and the cocaine in her ass hole isn’t going to snort itself.
Buy Borderlands, kids.
We Happy Few is scheduled for release on August 10.
Source: Censored Gaming
*No it isn’t. The real Randy Pitchford has never contacted anyone at The Splintering. Colonial Marines still sucked, though.