The most recent retcon by Lucasfilm (LFL) elaborates on The Rise of Skywalker‘s Palpatine being an ill-formed clone. So, to follow their reasoning, our hero physically interdicts against her father who’s also her grandfather who’s developmentally disabled? Maybe he was drinking, too… At the minimum, he’s got to be in danger of the opioid crisis. Genetic deformity’s got to hurt, right? It’s the trailer trash version of Lucas’ space opera.

Back to the genetics of the (Grand)Daughter of the Galaxy (GDG), DNA works such that markers are passed down virtually unchanged from parent to child. As a result, Rey would inherit genetic abnormalities of (pa)pa as they existed in (pa)pa. She must be hideous behind that force façade (a new force power)? Façade power does explain a lack of visible emotion during a crisis… LFL may be genius.

Ok, so I realize that all those with burning passions of The Force are arguing in their heads (to be shortly followed by their anger on social media), “The Force just corrected any abnormalities when the DNA flowed (*teehee!) to make Rey.”

Open that door! I dare you. Suddenly, everything imperfect in the universe is actually by design? That means abnormal development can’t just be abnormal, as it’s part of the plan.

So Luke’s (not to mention his pop’s) tendencies to focus on fantasies and not deal with reality is by design? The Force needs Luke to be a Jedi, not a Tatooine-bound whiner. Seems to any lack purpose for Luke to grow, right? Stay with me… He should just be his final version (as determined by The Force) at the moment of conception. (I’m not talking about abortive rights here – Think the point when The Force conceived what it wants). Not to mention why “grow” people at all? They should just be born in their prime.

Back to ridiculing LFL… Using The Force as a magic eraser/spellcheck may work for small things, but loses relevancy the bigger it gets. Think of how it renders the journey meaningless. Character growth is meaningless. Worrying over wrongdoing and being motivated to correct it? Why? Either things are as The Force makes them, or they will be no matter what? Why should the hero do anything at all if things are willed to be? Existence for the individual? Who cares? To quote Richard Pryor, “It don’t matter.”

When it’s finale time, if no amount of starvation, stunted development, or abuse makes any difference, why is there even a journey? Who cares about things like Chewbacca’s bandolier? He doesn’t even need a gun, much less to abandon little Lumpy on Kashyyyk. The Star Wars universe’s Nihilistic period has beset us. Woe be to any LFL employee with a mortgage.

THE JOURNEY MEANS ZIP. No journey? No purpose. No purpose? Millennial, social justice warrior. Imagine a magic trick ending in “NADA!”

The purpose of stories is the journey, because we must develop into who we ultimately become. Along the way, we make choices that determine where the road leads. Everything that’s interesting and meaningful in storytelling relies on individual characters. Without a meaningful journey, a story simply ceases.

LFL, there’s your problem right there. In creating perfection from the very first combination of genetic material, your billion-dollar movie became a firework show that lacks even a memorial to give it purpose.

I’ll be here all week folks. Don’t forget to tip The Splintering. Seriously, sends tips to The Splintering. We’ll take tips (in the form of shirt sales) and build up the mountain under it. Thanks again for reading. Please comment below or abroad (via Twitter).

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